The Gods Looked Down
And the gods looked down at the earth...
The gods were bored. Trinit had gone to test being human twenty years ago. He had always had a great sense of fun. Now he was down there, drinking and partying. Omigod was asleep. Naturally. He was the god of sleep. Nobody else was missing.
And the gods just sat there, hung over. The sweet nectar of the gods, as good and quickening as it is, holds also the power to cause a month of hangovers. And boredom is always more acute when suffering stomach aches. That is, after the vomiting subsides.
Upex, the messenger of the gods got an idea: “Let’s start a war!”
The other gods stared at him. “Why?” asked Decaf, the goddess of peace.
“To have something to do. We find two nations willing to war, and push them a bit, then we can bet on the results of the war, individual battles and such.”
“I’m in,” said Deepheet, the god of team sports, “I like large competitions. Let’s do it.”
And the gods studied the nations for peoples to drive to war. The earth was populated with many distinct races, some of which were already at war, and even the gods seemed to remember them always having been at war. But those wars were uninteresting and boring.
“I have found good nations to war for us,” said Beldi, the war god.
The other gods grouped around to see. Surely, the two nations were similar in most aspects, if not all. But what could they fight about? What are the main reasons for strife? The gods mulled it over for a while. It seemed to them that the people is never ruled by the people, but by the ruler. So the only thing needed to start war, would be for the rulers to annoy each other.
So, the gods divided themselves, and placed their bets. It was time for war.
First, Deepheet made each of the countries teams cheat every time they competed each other. He was sure that would call for war. But it only served to amuse the onlookers, who had long been bored with normal sports. It was funny to them when the teams argued madly over each other’s cheating; and when fights broke out on the field, the police was called in. And the people laughed and were merry.
Deepheet gave up, and let the next god try.
Tjon, the god of disasters made his try. He sent flocks of locusts over one nation, and shook the earth and flooded it all at the same time. He figured that now the poorer nation would seek to attack the other rather than starve. And Tjon was happy with his handywork and grinned evilly as he offered the other gods to wait for war.
But no war came. The nation so torn by disaster was given much help from their neighbouring state, and was soon rebuilt to its former glory. And the peoples were on friendlier terms than before.
Next tried Gemalator, the god of bandits. He influenced all bandits to run between the countries and rape and murder people and kill livestock and pillage villages. And the nations made a pact between them to get rid of these pesky bandits, working together as one.
Decaf was the only one who was happy. “See, these people love me, only me, and not you. They will not wage war for your silly reasons.”
And the gods shook their head. Especially Venereal, the goddess of love: “No, silly, these people love me. Just look at them. They are peaceful for they love each other, and I am the goddess of love. The peace you speak of is merely a side effect.”
“There would be no love without peace!” argued Decaf, staring grimly at Venereal.
“Love can exist regardless of peace!” replied Venereal. The fangs were coming out.
And the argument escalated betweent them until punches were thrown. And the other gods rejoiced, and laid bets on the outcome. It was fun in the heavens again.
Copyright © 2005 by Bewildering Stories on behalf of the author