A Human Parasite
by Laramie W. S. Graber
Part 1 appears in this issue.
conclusion
“Miraculously, I’m still alive. I shouldn’t be, but somehow the piece of the All-One saved me. The All-One say this means we are coming to an understanding. I know I shouldn’t be grateful. The All-One are the people that almost killed me in the first place. But I am. I can’t help it.
“They let me outside my cell now. I’m in that stage of bonding with the All-One. They’re not like some strange cult. They’re just like normal people, cleaning, tending the aquaponics farms, fixing anything that doesn’t work right like lights that have gone out or a door that has stopped opening. Except they’re more united than most people. No one argues. No one tries to cheat. It’s often hard to even discern any visible leaders. They’re so easy to talk to. I don’t think I’ve ever been able to open up to people so much before.
“My only concern is that I’ve only seen one other member of the crew I arrived with. I don’t know where Ziggy is or what’s happening to her. I should try and find out. My piece of the All-One makes it hard to want to.
“I spoke to the All-One about my recurring nightmare, the one where I can see all of the universe and where it dies before it is able to tell me its secrets. The All-One think it is likely a vision. The All-One came to the inhabitants of this station to teach them about the secrets of the universe. To unify all life. It is a sign that, working with them, I can finally achieve it.
“And I think they might not be crazy. I think they might be right. The All-One are building something in the central hub. I can’t properly describe it. It’s made up of constantly shifting metal panels, moving across each other at sharp, geometric angles. Intricately patterned wires crisscross the panels, suffusing everything in a bright glow. The light shifts in an ever-changing, kaleidoscopic rainbow as if the machine’s panels form warped prisms.
“I try to find a pattern to the movement, staring for long periods, but as soon as I think I’ve found one, there’s a shift. The All-One seem to understand, though. On the rare occasion the panels shift to form a twisting pathway, there’s always one walking through to whatever lies inside.
“Somehow this machine looks exactly like The Glimpse on my wall. It seems impossible, but I think the All-One are building something similar. Perhaps the All-One was sent by them as a means to communicate. Maybe a test of some sort. Can you imagine the knowledge that could be at hand? Those aliens destroyed an entire metropolis and then undid it minutes later. Think of what they must have known. Think of what knowledge the All-One could give us. Think of what I could soon know.”
* * *
“I pulled up a map of the station in the hub when I thought the All-One weren’t watching. I memorized a way back to the ship. I was surprised at how easy it was.
“I know why now. It was a test. There are hidden cameras in the hub. One of the All-One just casually remarked on it, said how technology had brought us all closer together than ever before and pointed to the ceiling. In a corner, almost entirely obscured by the glow from the machine, was a camera pointed directly at where I accessed the map.
“With dread and excitement, I know I’ve passed the test. I had chances to use my knowledge to try and escape. I did nothing. I didn’t want to.”
* * *
“The people here have a unity that could only be possible by fully merging with the All-One. They always seem to know exactly what everybody else is thinking, what everyone else needs. There are no schedules. Nobody needs them. Sure, occasionally there are exceptions, but not everyone is perfectly bonded.
“Often, the All-One do not wear clothes. We brush up against each other, warmth to warmth, pulse to pulse. There is no self-consciousness. Smooth skin, wrinkly skin, skinny, large, it makes no difference. Everyone is one. Why should we be conscious of ourselves?
“I cannot begin to describe the feeling of being in a universe ceremony. Bodies all pressed together, singing in perfect harmony, tracing the lines of each other’s skin. I have never felt more one with the moment. More content.
“If this is what losing yourself feels like, why was I ever afraid?”
* * *
“It is almost time for my final ceremony. A part of myself says that I should be terrified. But this dread has been overpowered by my piece of the All-One. This will be the moment I realize the true nature of the All-One. I cannot help being excited and joyful.”
* * *
“It is time.” Three All-One stood in the doorway.
Rocan lifted a man’s arm off his chest and stood to face them. “I’m ready.”
One held out his old suit. “Put this on. After the ceremony, you can finally discard it.”
Rocan hesitated but obeyed. They were right. Almost immediately he felt claustrophobic. He wanted to be closer to the All-One, able to touch them. Not trapped in this bulky suit.
The All-One started walking, and Rocan followed.
The ceremony room was large but unadorned. It held thirty or so of the All-One. Ziggy was in the room. She was gaunt, eyes-bloodshot, usually short hair beginning to grow long, mouth gagged. Two All-One held her though she didn’t struggle. It seemed they were more there to support her than for security. Still, Ziggy’s eyes glimmered with hope when she saw Rocan.
Rocan only felt dread. There could only be one reason why Ziggy was here, looking like this. She had failed to coexist with her piece of the All-One. Perhaps she had even tried to escape.
An All-One handed him a knife. “You know what needs to be done.” She rested a hand on his arm, but there was no comfort. The suit blocked any real contact.
Rocan desperately wanted that contact. He felt he had no choice but to want it, the piece of the All-One commanded it. His whole life he had felt unmoored. Never feeling quite good enough for his parents, for his friends, training to work on ships even though he loved history, going through the motions of his pointless job knowing it was pointless. With the All-One, he could finally belong. He felt the piece of the All-One would make him do anything to belong. He couldn’t resist.
Ziggy had been his only longtime friend. They weren’t close to the point of telling each other their secrets, but Rocan could always count on Ziggy. He’d hoped she’d felt the same way. Rocan never felt like Ziggy thought he should be different than he was. She didn’t like all of his ideas, she thought some of his worldview was warped, but they were what made Rocan himself and she liked him. Ziggy was almost always positive, though not in a naïve way. She looked at the facts, the various outcomes, and decided on the most realistic positive outcome. Ziggy’s smile, Rocan realized, was one of his favorite things in the world. It meant things could be good.
But Ziggy was only one person. She could never match the sense of belonging that the All-One gave. She could never assimilate either. For all her optimism, Ziggy could never accept a grand story about the universe. It was simply randomness, she said, that made something beautiful. Purpose was self-made. It was fine if other people thought differently, they could have their delusions, but they were still wrong. She would always fight the All-One.
Rocan felt he had no choice. His want for self-autonomy wasn’t enough. His love for Ziggy wasn’t enough. The All-One overpowered him. And Ziggy was doomed. It was a mercy. He had no choice.
Ziggy closed her eyes. A few tears leaked down her face.
Rocan strode up to her and drove the knife in. Ziggy screamed through her gag.
It was only the jerking of the knife, on feeling the firmness of her guts, striking bone, blood gushing onto his suit, that Rocan fully realized what he was doing, what he had just done. He’d murdered his best friend. Because even if Ziggy had been doomed, there were more humane ways to kill her than plunging a knife into her gut. He was a cult member of alien parasites. And yet, even as he realized this, Rocan continued to drive the knife into Ziggy to make sure she was dead. The All-One were in control.
He had to escape.
Rocan managed to walk out of the ceremony room, managed to hold back his tears, until he broke into a run. A few All-One looked at him strangely. No one thought to stop him yet; he had passed his ceremony. Wouldn’t it be easier to pretend that you just don’t know how to get back? You didn’t get a good look at the map, did you?
I know how to get to the ship, Rocan told himself. Even with tears blurring his vision, he knew how to get to the ship.
You’re leaving so much behind. A chance to be one with the universe. A chance to belong. And for what?
Rocan legs became like jelly. He suddenly felt like gagging. You made me kill my best friend, you monster! He kept running.
Footsteps behind. Harmonized singing. The All-One were after him now.
“Hey!” An All-One stepped out of a sliding door just ahead.
Rocan ripped off his helmet and slammed it into the All-One’s head. She crumpled.
Please still be there! Please still be there!
Rocan nearly crashed into the station door ahead as it slid open much too slowly. On the other side was the entrance to the ship. He screamed in relief.
The entrance door irised open quickly and closed immediately after Rocan was through. Ship must have known what was happening. Still, the door to the ship proper was closed. Rocan banged against it, bloodying the white. “Let me in! Let me in!”
Tomsin’s voice came through the intercom. “We have to run decontamination protocols first.”
“Then you have to... You have to...”
“Ship is already on it. We’re leaving the station.”
A slight shudder as the ship undocked. Rocan collapsed to the ground and sobbed.
* * *
Rocan held himself to the table as ship scanned his body. He tried to control his breathing and failed miserably.
“Finished,” ship announced.
Tomsin looked at the information screen and frowned. He looked again. His frown deepened.
“What?” Rocan forced the words out.
“There’s nothing foreign inside of you.”
“Look again.”
“I did. You’re not even malnourished.”
“You’re lying!” Rocan pushed off the table and shoved Tomsin away. He stared at the screen. His medical knowledge was limited, but everything seemed fine. There was even a little box that popped up which said no foreign entities detected.
A slow horror built in the back of his mind. He had been unconscious, unable to tell what really happened when the parasite merged with him. The All-One would have seen visuals of The Glimpse, could have recreated... No, it couldn’t be.
Rocan jerked his head to Tomsin. “Why are you making it lie?”
“What?”
“You’re making it lie!”
“I’m not.” Tomsin pulled himself backwards on a handhold.
“You’re making it lie! You have to be. You understand that, right?” Rocan ripped at his hair. “Because if you’re right, I killed Ziggy. I did, just me. Not the alien parasite that’s controlling me. Not the alien parasite that I can feel right now. I killed her. Do you understand that? So why are you making it lie?”
“I’m not. I swear...”
It all suddenly made sense. Through his tears, Rocan frantically looked for something he could use as a weapon. “I know what you are, you have the alien parasite in you, too. That’s why you’re lying. You want to get rid of me. You want to make me think I’m mad. Because you want the All-One all to yourself. You want the contentment it can bring. You want it all to yourself. And you’ll kill people like Ziggy again and again to get it!” Rocan readied himself to spring off the wall at Tomsin.
“Tomsin is lying, albeit unintentionally,” ship interjected. “He lacks the medical training for a situation like this.”
“I—”
“I am programmed for how to deal with situations like this, Tomsin. I suggest you adhere to the guidelines.”
Tomsin nodded frantically.
“It is well-known that some alien parasites are not detected by standard scans. Rocan, your parasite is clearly very advanced. It will need a more advanced scan to be detected.”
Rocan shook. “Why should I trust you?”
“Because I know you didn’t kill Ziggy. I know it was the alien parasite, and I will find exactly that result.”
Rocan closed his eyes. “I’m not guilty. I’m not guilty...”
“Exactly. You’re sick.”
“I’m sick.”
“Exactly. Can you get back on the bed so I can heal you?”
Silence stretched. Rocan’s tears drifted into the air. They caught the colored lights from the medical equipment and shimmered. Rocan reached out a hand and gently cupped one. Trembling, he made a fist. “Okay.”
Rocan pushed off the wall and back into the bed. Immediately, cords sprang out and pinned his arms and legs. Ship had tricked him. It didn’t believe he was infected any more than Tomsin did. Rocan started screaming. He cursed ship, he cursed Tomsin, he cursed the station, he cursed the All-One, he cursed the Inner System’s government...
Before he could finish, Tomsin injected Rocan with a sedative. Blackness.
* * *
The ship became transparent, and Rocan’s vision extended with the universe itself and all its nothingness. He was alone with his guilt. The All-One was a cult. The only parasite was the human need to belong, for the universe to mean something, overriding all love and reason. He screamed.
“Why?”
The universe couldn’t answer. It had never been alive.
Copyright © 2022 by Laramie W. S. Graber
