Roadkill Revolt
by Rachel Lynn
Part 1 appears in this issue.
conclusion
Everyone knows how fast squirrels can run. In the early spring, Squirrel ran exactly that fast, heading for the forest where the Spirit Creatures continued to meet. He had big news.
“This better be good. I don’t like to be awake during the day,” Wise Owl said, scarcely able to keep his eyes open.
Struggling to contain his excitement, Squirrel began to chatter rapidly.
“The Humans are having a party. A big party. They called it a political party. There’s going to be Humans playing music and Humans giving speeches. There will be a parade with Small Humans doing something called baton corps, and there will be balloons and Humans in funny hats driving small boxes that make a beep that sounds like ‘ah-OO-gah.’ I heard it with my own two ears when I was watching my brothers steal birdseed.”
Squirrel could see all the Spirit Creatures looking at each other as if they might be confused.
“Don’t you see? This is a good opportunity for us to interact with the Humans, show them how upset we are about their careless ways.” Squirrel flicked his tail for emphasis.
“So, you’re sure there will be a lot of Humans there?” Father Deer asked. “We always have to be cautious of the Humans, especially when there are many of them together. Will they be wearing their orange hats and carrying their shooting sticks?”
“Yes, there will be many of them together, but I don’t think they’ll have the shooting sticks, since it’s a party. If there are many of us together, we’ll be okay. We’ll enter Living Creatures and disrupt the political party. The Humans might finally see that they should care about us and not kill us.” Squirrel stood up straight and puffed out his chest, speaking with confidence for being such a new member.
“But how, exactly, will we accomplish this? Remember that when we tried this before, all we could do was poop and throw little sticks at the Humans.” Hedgehog’s skepticism didn’t bother Squirrel.
“I don’t know every detail, but they’re having the political party today, so we have to get going.”
* * *
As they approached HumanTown, Squirrel got a case of the nerves. He briefly considered pulling his friends back. What if one of the Humans did bring a shooting stick and hurt a Living Creature? There were already so many more Spirit Creatures than when he first joined the group. He thought about the new Spirits: Buzzard, who got hit by a box when he was feasting on the remains of another animal; Baby Deer, run over by a long box when he tried to follow his mother across the hard path; and Dog, killed by a box when he chased a cat onto the hard path.
He took a deep breath. The Humans won’t bring shooting sticks. This will work. It has to.
The sun came from behind a cloud and warmed him, giving him a sense of confidence about what he and his friends were getting ready to do.
The Spirit Creatures were gathering near the park where the political party was being held. Some of the group had gotten ahead of him, and he hurried to catch up. He didn’t want to be the last one there when he was the one who had encouraged everyone to participate. He felt responsible for the group’s success.
Humans were beginning to gather, too, and the Spirit Creatures could hear them chattering. Some of the Humans had big gold tooting things and they made an awful racket. Other Humans used sticks to beat on a big white barrel they carried on their chest. Small Humans carried balloons and ate fluffy pink cotton.
I’d like to have some of that for my nest, thought Squirrel.
“I don’t see any Living Creatures to whoosh into,” said Hedgehog.
“We might have to look around a little bit,” said Wise Owl. “Let’s all spread out and see who we can find.”
“Will we recognize each other when we’re inside the Living Creatures?” asked Squirrel. It was the first time this question had crossed his mind.
“Yes,” answered Father Deer. “Spirit Creatures can always sense another Spirit, even when they’re inside a Living Creature.”
Squirrel looked around the group. “Okay. Let’s find our hosts. See you at the political party!”
* * *
OWENS MILLS DAILY MAIL
Labor Day Parade Disrupted
When Animals Have a “Wild” Time
September 8: The annual Owens Mills Labor Day Parade and Festival was interrupted yesterday when hundreds of animals ran amok, frightening some participants and spectators while delighting others.
The Owens Mills High School Marching Brigadiers kicked off the parade at noon, making their way down Main Street towards Memorial Park, where the delivery of Mayor Hewitt’s traditional Labor Day speech was to take place. Members of the band report that medium-sized animals such as dogs and raccoons began infiltrating their ranks, initially running in a disordered pattern through the drum line.
The “Little Miss” baton corps followed the band, with smaller animals such as squirrels and hedgehogs darting in and out of their formations.
Both groups continued marching along the parade route. The band’s director, Cheryl Schmidt, said, “We didn’t know what else to do. It was Labor Day. We figured the animals would stop bothering us if we kept marching.”
As the parade progressed, multiple species of animals joined the commotion including coyotes, wild turkeys, and opossums. This precipitated a back-up of the Shriners, the 4-H and FFA floats, Boy Scout Troup 334, and the Labor Day Queen and King float, delaying events further.
Law enforcement on the scene first attempted to shoo the animals away from parade participants, causing the animals to run through the spectating crowds lining Main Street. Several older women fainted, while it is reported that most of the children spectators laughed at the chaos, running after the wild animals.
It took several long minutes for the animals to move on and for order to resume. The parade successfully entered Memorial Park, at which time, Mayor Hewitt began his remarks. Approximately three minutes into his comments, a large flock of geese flew directly over the stage honking loudly and disrupting the mayor’s speech.
Additionally, a Cooper’s hawk flew over, swooping towards Mayor Hewitt. The hawk grabbed the mayor’s toupee in its claws, flying away with it. Mayor Hewitt was quickly provided with a baseball cap by one of his staff. While festival organizers worked to regain control of the event, another large flock of birds flew over, discarding copious amounts of excrement onto the stage and participants.
“This is the dangdest thing I’ve ever seen,” long-time resident, Harold “Hank” Smith said. “First we got them animals gone plumb crazy, then the mayor with no hair, and as if that wasn’t enough, they ’bout pooped us to death. I never seen so much poop. Have to scoop it up with coal shovels. Party poopers. That’s what they was.”
The mayor’s office has declined comments requested by The Daily Mail, but one official who asked not to be identified stated that the mayor was embarrassed and infuriated. The source also said that zoologists from Columbiana Zoo would be contacted about the matter and asked to identify any potential causes for the melee.
“It was almost as if they were doing it on purpose,” the anonymous source stated.
Copyright © 2023 by Rachel Lynn
