The Rise of the Thinking Pig
by G. Michael Smith
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Table of Contents parts 1, 2, 3 4 |
part 2
The Door Manager
Viola had to make a door for Hermione. She was not about to do it in public. Later that evening, just before dark, she strolled past the entrance to the town’s burrows. The entrances were much larger than hers. She glanced around at all the entrances that were set into the side of The Hill. This was the most desirable real estate in the whole village. All the uppity-ups lived here. The mayor’s burrow entrance was up an incline and centered on The Hill. Above it was the town logo that had been gouged into a piece of wood by some long-forgotten sharp-tusked male.
Her tribe was known as The Sharp Tusks. She was not sure why. The males in her tribe were not especially different from all the other tribes. There were stories about the boar who carved their logo. It was said that he spent many days sharpening his tusks on the rough rock near the falls so he could carve the logo.
It was known throughout the valley as an outstanding achievement. Boars could create art. So far, no other boar had made anything that could be considered art. This gave The Sharp Tusks a level of notoriety. With that notoriety came envy from the other tribes. Envy brought jealousy, which encouraged anger and fear. The valley was in a state of constant infighting between tribes. Everyone wanted what the other tribes had.
The Sharp Tusks controlled some of the richest forests that contained the biggest mushrooms, the sweetest berries, and the tenderest roots. They protected their woods religiously. The males of her tribe were on constant guard duty. The woods were large and could not be completely monitored. When a stray male happened to get caught trying to poach mushrooms or berries, he would be punished as an example to others, but that did not offer much of a deterrent.
Viola walked up the incline to Hermione’s burrow and measured the opening. It was much larger than hers. She realized instantly that the door design that worked for her small entrance was not going to work here. She walked away puzzled as to how she was to create such a big door. It wasn’t the size of the door that was the issue. It was the opening mechanism. The door would always drag on the ground rather than swing back and forth.
She had just reached the lower path when a young male walked up to her. She was lost in her thoughts and he startled her.
“Whatcha doing around here? What’s your name? This part of the village has a curfew. The mayor lives here, you know.”
Viola looked at him with disdain that turned to indifference. She did not bother with a response. She simply turned and walked away. “I asked you a question.” Viola sensed several emotions in his tone. Anger mixed with fear was dominant.
Her back was to him so she lifted her tail and waved it back and forth. It was an obvious mating gesture. It held power. She turned back to him. “I am here at the request of the mayor. Would you like me to disturb him so you can be assured that I am not up to mischief?” She stared at him with a hint of a smile. She wanted to exude one of her tentacles and do something lewd with it but decided that would cause her more trouble, so she suppressed it.
The young boar stared with his mouth sagging open. “I thought not,” she said and turned and walked down the path with a swish of her tail.
The next morning, she walked out into the woods and lay down under the large gnarled oak. It was a warm morning and the cool grass was comforting. She was trying to solve the problem of the large door. It was the swinging apparatus she invented that was not strong enough to support such a large door.
She was staring at the marsh. The breeze was blowing the reeds back and forth. Suddenly the obvious answer leapt into her brain. “Two doors. Two doors side by side. The problem is solved. I will make two doors that swing independently of each other!” she shouted to no one.
She spent a few days gathering small saplings, reeds, and swamp grass. She used these to create two small doors. Hanging them was her pièce de résistance. Once she thought of the door-hanging mechanism, she realized her concern that it would not support the weight of a single large door was unfounded. The two small ones set in the burrow opening were also rather elegant.
The hinge consisted of a hollow piece of bamboo that grew in the wetlands. One end was sharpened and then pounded into the ground next to the outer edges of the door. Two smaller pieces would be attached to the door just above the pieces in the ground so that they would slip inside the bamboo and hold the gate. When pushed, the gate would rotate on the lower bamboo.
She looked at her creation. She smiled as her tentacles exuded and tickled her face. She spoke quietly, “Holy big Duffy balls, that is beautiful. Aren’t you a clever sow?”
Behind her, she heard the crack of a twig. She turned to see Paulina nose her way into the small clearing surrounded by dense brush. “You scared me. I thought you were one of those nosey sentries. Look.” She pointed at the new doors she had propped up next to each other.
“Are they for the mayor’s wife?” Viola nodded with a smile. “Wow, they are fantastic. You know that everyone on the hill is going to want one. You are going to be a busy sow.”
Suddenly Viola paled. “Oh damn,” she said. “Oh damn, damn damn,” she repeated.
Viola was not one to curse. Paulina thought she had done something wrong. “I never told anyone about your tentacle thingies. Honest, I didn’t.”
Viola walked over to her beautiful doors and pushed them over. Paulina’s eyes opened wide. “What is wrong? Is there something wrong with the doors?”
“No, the fracking doors are perfect, and that is the problem. If I put these doors in the mayor’s house, I am going to be exposed. Everyone will want me to make them a door. If I have to make doors for a bunch of pigs, someone will find out about these.” She exuded her face fingers, stuck her nose against Paulina’s, and tickled her.
“What are you going to do?”
“I have no idea. One thing for sure is that I am not going to give Hermione these doors. I’ll make her something that is really trashy and doesn’t fit. I will make sure they fall off the first time they are opened. She won’t want them and the mayor will stop bugging me.”
Paulina raised her chin and stepped toward a small tree at the edge of the clearing. She rubbed her chin back and forth on a branch. She turned quickly back to Viola. “Unless...”
“Unless what?
“I’m still thinking. Give me a moment.” She huffed into the ground a few times.
Viola nudged her.
“I’ve got it,” Paulina said. “Well, most of it.”
“What, for frack sake?!”
“First you show the mayor’s wife one side of her new beautiful door. You will install them both but with one caveat. Before you install the doors, you explain to her that it took you a lot of time and energy to create the door. You tell her you are an artist and you can only create if you feel the urge.
“Wait. No. You tell her you can create the other side only if you have a place to work and someone to help with material collection. You tell her you want a new large burrow dug for your workshop. Yes.”
She nudged Viola. “And it must have an open-air section with a wall around it so no one can see inside. An artist cannot create if nosey pigs are staring at her while she is trying to work. Then you make doors and charge for them. We will have the best of everything.”
“We?”
“I thought of it and I can be your manager. You will need a manager.” She snuffed Viola on the shoulder.
Viola turned and snuffed her back. “I have to think about it. Help me get these doors back to my den. Pick that one up by the bamboo on the side. Like this.” She picked up one of the doors in her jaws and walked out of the clearing. Paulina followed.
* * *
The Door Master
Viola felt troubled by Paulina’s plan. She could not make up her mind. A week passed. The mayor’s wife sent her maid three times to Viola’s den. She wanted to know when her door would be ready. Every time the young sow came and snuffed at her den, Viola would pretend she was not home. At the end of the week, as she was returning home, she saw the mayor’s wife coming down the path with the young maid in tow. Viola ducked down behind some brush. She felt the need to escape but suppressed it. She watched.
The young sow snorted loudly at her door. It was so loud that it bordered on rude. She turned to Hermione and spoke, “She is either not home or she is not answering. This happens every time I try to speak to her.”
“I am going in there to confront her. She told me she would make me a door and by The Great Boar she is going to.” Hermione stepped up to the door and was about to enter the burrow when she heard a voice behind her.
Duffy was coming down the path. “Stop,” he shouted. “That is not your den. Entering someone else’s den without permission is not permitted.” He trotted up to the two sows. He recognized the mayor’s wife. He stopped. “Hermione, I didn’t know it was you. What are you doing here?”
“MacDuff, am I ever glad you are here. I need to speak to Viola but she won’t come out. She is supposed to make me a door like that one.” She indicated Viola’s door. “Could you please use your police powers to go and get her?”
“A pig’s den is sacrosanct. I cannot enter it without a legal cause. Anyway, she is not in there. I saw her earlier today going into the forest. Perhaps she is gathering materials to construct your door. She is a clever one. Rude, but clever.”
There were nods of agreement. The fact that Duffy had suggested that Viola was gathering materials for her door seemed to satisfy her. They all headed up the path.
Viola breathed a deep sigh that turned into a derisive snort. She turned and headed back into the forest. She was walking and thinking, trying to decide on Paulina’s proposal. When she finally took stock of her surroundings, she realized she had gone much farther than she had intended. She saw the sign stuck to a short rotting post and stopped. It was a sign from the Before Time. It meant danger.
She had been told to avoid any part of the forest where this kind of sign appeared. When she was a piglet, she had played near these signs and nothing bad had happened. There was nothing here that looked or smelled dangerous, so she carried on.
She had a memory of a bamboo forest near these signs. Bamboo was rare. It was also easy to work with. It was uniform, not like some of the twigs she collected. She could quickly chew through the smaller stalks. When it was green, it could easily be woven, and it dried stiff. If she had to make doors, this was what she needed. She would need lots of it.
She looked back at the sign. If she were to have some of the young boars help her gather materials, that sign would have to go. She turned her butt to the sign and kicked. It came loose after one kick. She picked it up with her nose fingers and dragged it into the deep bracken.
She carried on and dispatched three more signs until she came to an ancient, gnarled oak tree. It would be a good marker for the boars. A large copse of bamboo grew on the hilly area just past it. She walked through the copse of bamboo. On the other side were the remains of a barrier of unchewable strands laced together. It was covered with vine growth. The vines would also be great for door construction.
On the other side of the barrier was a much larger sign with the same danger symbol. Viola could barely make it out for the undergrowth nearly concealed it. She was formulating what she would say to the boars when they came to collect material. “Now, boys, don’t go to the other side of the barrier. That is part of the Danger Zone.”
She turned to go back and realized she had made up her mind. She would make the doors.
* * *
Copyright © 2025 by G. Michael Smith
