More Than Cousins
by David Margolin
Debby and Diane were cousins because their fathers were brothers. They were born in the same year: Debby in January and Diane in June. Up until they were aged four, they saw each other frequently; several times a year, because their families were close. They didn’t see each other at all between age four and twelve, because their fathers were feuding.
On her twelfth birthday, Debby decided that she was old enough to make her own decisions about relationships with relatives. She sent Diane a text, “Hi, cuz, I miss you.” That opened a torrent of almost non-stop texting.
Their relationship reached a new level of bonding when they discovered the 1960s television sitcom, The Patty Duke Show. They face-timed every Saturday night and watched an episode together.
The catchy theme song told the thin plot: cousins Cathy and Patty were “identical” cousins. They laughed alike, they walked alike, at times they even talked alike. Preposterous, but Debby and Diane weren’t interested in the scientific validity of this premise; they identified lock, stock, and barrel with the concept and the characters.
Despite the paternal feud, Debby’s parents gave her the green light to take the Amtrak Cascades Train from Portland, Oregon to visit Diane in Seattle, Washington, about 175 miles to the north. Diane met Debby at the train station. Their faces lit up when they spotted each other; they hopped up and down as they hugged each other tightly.
When they arrived at Diane’s home, her mom was preparing dinner. Debby greeted her aunt warmly, but the interaction was brief, because both girls were anxious to get down to the main business at hand: binge-watching The Patty Duke Show.
During and between episodes, they each dressed and acted like one of the cousins, alternating the roles. Debby enjoyed being Cathy, the proper, reserved cousin, more than being Patty, the looser, more playful cousin. Diane preferred being Patty. These roles were the opposite of their “real” personalities.
After two days of imitating Cathy and Patty, the cousins stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom closest to Diane’s bedroom. They were being themselves, not either of the TV personas. Diane addressed Debby in the mirror, “Do you think that we look alike?”
“Kind of. Not like twins or anything... sisters, maybe.”
“That’s cool,” Diane said, pleased with Debby’s assessment. Can sisters be identical?”
Debby confirmed, “Yeah, twins can be identical.”
“Or not, right? What do they call that, when they’re not identical?” asked Diane.
“Paternal, no... uh, fraternal, like in a fraternity. Like our dads,” answered Debby.
“Oh yeah, even if they are girls, right? That’s weird,” Diane opined. “Why not ‘sororal,’ like in a sorority? My sister Beth is in one in college. She had to pledge and do crazy stuff: wear crazy clothes and walk backwards, stuff like that.”
Debby was inspired: “We can play being sisters, that’s closer than cousins.”
This hit a cord with Diane, “Yeah, we’re more than cousins. And we do look alike, look at our noses.”
Diane’s observation fueled Debby’s enthusiasm. “Hey, let’s get our DNA done. You know there are apps for it. You spit into a tube, and they tell you about your whole family. We can find new relatives, and contact them and visit them!”
Diane loved the idea. “Beth did that, for a biology class, I think.”
The cousins watched their pupils get wide in the mirror. They were feeling the same thing: a buzz. Something spiritual had passed between them; they had bonded in a profound way. Separating at the end of the weekend stay was brutal for them. “I love you, Cathy,” Diane told Debby.
“You’re the grooviest cousin that anyone could ever have, Patty.”
They coordinated the timing of their DNA testing like it was a rocket launch, doing everything at the same time, from ordering the kits from ChromoSearch, to collecting the samples, to shipping them, to receiving the results. At 9:30 pm, on the first Monday in September, dressed in identical pyjamas, they met online and reviewed the results together.
“There’s my sister Beth,” Diane read from the report, “42% shared DNA, full sibling.”
“And she’s 11% for me, full cousin,” said Debby.
“Who are all of these other people?” asked Diane, scrolling down a list of hundreds of DNA matches, many sharing 1% or less of their DNA with her.
Debby answered, “Don’t ask me, I’ve never heard of them. Look at this one: ’Gail Sanders, 2nd cousin or half-cousin 1x removed.’ Too many numbers; this is too much like math class.”
“You’re right,” said Diane, let’s focus on the key thing, you and me. Let’s go back up to the top of the list.”
Diane and Debby saw the same result on their lists, they shared 27% of their DNA. The possible relationships were listed as: Grandparents/Grandchild, Aunt/Uncle, Niece/Nephew, Half-Sibling.
They sat silently, contemplating the results of their DNA tests. Diane finally spoke: “I don’t get it; the table says that cousins share 6.9% DNA on average and never more than 11%.”
“I get it,” Debby said, with a feeling in her gut like when she jumped off a cliff tethered to a bungee cord three summers ago. “You’re definitely not my grandmother, or my aunt, or my niece, so you must be my half-sister. ‘Sibling’ means ‘sister’ or ‘brother,’ and you’re not my brother!”
“Uh-oh,” said Diane. “You mean that—”
“Yeah,” Debby interrupted. “Either your dad is my father or my dad is your father.”
“Uck!” Diane exclaimed, “that’s gross. Maybe it was an accident.”
“Uh, how would that work?” Debbie asked. “Like your dad left some sperm at your house and your mom accidentally got pregnant?” Images of her dad and Diane’s mother naked together in bed invaded Debby’s thoughts. She was angry with everyone, including Diane. Debby no longer wanted Diane to be her cousin, let alone her sister.
“Don’t blame my dad,” said Debby, “I love him. There is another possibility. Your dad could have done it with my mom; he could be my father.”
“Let’s not fight,” said Diane. “Let’s figure this out together, like Patty and Cathy did in that episode where they were pretending to be detectives. We’ll ask our families lots of questions, find out where our dads were and what they were doing nine months before each of our births.”
“We know what one of them was doing,” ventured Debby.
Diane felt her face flush, but Debby’s quip released some of the tension. “Maybe it’s better if we don’t know the whole truth; we already know a lot. We know that we’re half-sisters genetically, and that we look a lot alike. We’re way closer than Patty and Cathy; they’re just cousins.”
Debby doubled down, “You’re so right: we need a special name for our relationship. ‘Half-sister’ is too skimpy. We’re ‘almost sisters’... No, I’ve got it! We’re ‘half-twins’!”
Copyright © 2026 by David Margolin
