Five Ways To Please the Kids

Source: Edwin Brock, “Five Ways To Kill A Man”

As I begin, I must say there are many cumbersome ways to please the kids. You could, if you so desired, burden the poor children with a song or two. For this, however, you would need a guitar, a voice that holds a tune, and a song that requires one to dance and carry on as though you had something uncomfortable in your pants.

Or you could take a piece of paper of standard size and attempt to shape it so that it can fly. But for this you will need patience beyond what the gods gave you; scissors — the child-proof ones that don’t cut paper; a steady hand; a keen eye; and even more patience.

Then again, you could, if madness sets in, unpack the Leggo box and attempt to build something large and imaginative. But then you need to find all the missing pieces that have not been devoured by the dog, plenty of space underneath the sofa, for that is where many of the non-devoured pieces will have found their way, and a vacuum cleaner that has a bag to collect the rest of it, for the little blocks will be all over the house within a blink of an eye.

In this modern day, there are many ways to entertain the kids. One could take them to the movies. All you then require is a wallet full of cash to pay for the ‘regular size’ movie popcorn, a movie session that is quiet, because the kids won’t be, and, believe it or not, at least a full day spare.

Why? Because going to the movies always leads to the inevitable visit to the arcade hall, a trip to the supermarket to buy all the ‘snacks’ cheaper than at the movie theatre, and an argument with the ticket dispenser pleading your case that all your little darlings are under five and need to get in at the discounted rate.

There are, as I began, many cumbersome ways to entertain the kids. But for me, a far simpler approach, one that is beneficial to all, is to turn on the TV and leave them there until bedtime.

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