Rosie and the Three Badgers

Rosie slumped on the cottage steps. She shook her auburn tresses and stamped her foot. Her cousin Goldilocks was such a wimp, no fun at all. Sure, she stole little bear’s porridge but never wanted to venture further down the criminal road. Always a risk-taker, one who lived on the edge, Rosie sighed and said, “I’m bored.”

After several moments a thought popped into her head: forget the bears, concentrate on animals more dangerous and what could be meaner than the set of badgers that lived across the field. With their long front claws they could tear one to pieces. “Fun to outsmart them,” she said. Besides she was tired of sweet things; a nice meat stew would be delicious.

So the next morning she set out to locate them. Rosie ran across the fields happily inhaling the cool morning breeze. As she circled the badger’s house, she noticed it was empty. She tiptoed up to the entrance, pushed the door and it opened.

A huge pot simmered on the stove. Delicious smells of meat floated through the small kitchen. Three bowls sat on the table, a cover over each. “Guess that’s to keep them warm. I better eat fast or they’ll find me here.”

She lifted the cover off the big bowl. A carrot, one small stalk of celery and an onion sat forlornly in the bowl. Next to it sat a note, which said, “Reminder: watch cholesterol level, less than 200 good, remember LDL, keep low. No fat in meat.”

“Oh, good Heaven’s there’s nothing good in that one. I’ll try the medium-size bowl.”

It too had a note next to it. Again she lifted the lid. A small piece of meat floated forlornly in the bowl. She grabbed the note, read, “Watch carbohydrates. No potatoes.” Rosie threw it on the floor, jumped up and down in disgust. Ah ha, the baby bowl remained.

It had to be just right, but it too had a note. “Watch gluten, allergic to wheat. No gravy. Also lacto intolerance.” Rosie peeked into the baby badger’s bowl. No gravy, she adored thick gravy. Tears ran down her cheeks, so distraught she failed to hear the returning family. The badgers clumped into the room. “What are you doing here?” they all shouted at once. Rosie ran toward the door but big daddy badger blocked it.

The three badgers sat around the kitchen table. Daddy burped loudly. “Excuse me but I haven’t had a meal like that in ages, the correct amount of fat.”

Mother agreed, “Not an overabundance of carbs either.”

Baby badger licked the plate. “No wheat, either. So good. We should have this more often.”

Daddy badger spoke, “I didn’t realize humans could be that tasty.”

Copyright © 2005 by Bewildering Stories on behalf of the author