by Tantra Bensko
A dysmorphic Lucky Lavaggio travels ahead in time on the Equinox, using her scrying mirror to foresee her future as an opera singer and jilted lover. Meanwhile, a male Lucky Lavaggio battles the void.
Chapter 12: Zygote’s Choice
Lucky watches his pseudo-life, and he reaches out with his invisible hands and pets his zygote’s alternate self’s hair, all the way back to when the zygote made the choice to mature into the female Lucky instead of him. Leaving him to battle the Void more and more, as his time as a quantum potential comes to a close.
He sees the female Lucky’s life play out, that little vagina she has no use for, because she thinks her body is a fat monster.
The smell of the placenta creates the future for the quantum potential male Lucky, and the quantum potential female Lucky. They will search always for someone who smells like the Placenta. For the Other that is not fully Other. They were once one as one can get. A smell like no other. The smell of Lucky in Love.
* * *
The air on the plane gets stuffy. Lucky curls up with her maroon jacket in the corner against the window, and closes her eyes.
Lucky dreams the rats living in the walls. They revolt against the water dripping down through their nests from Narwhal’s bathroom. The water washes the baby rats out of the walls, and they circle down into the drain in the center of the kitchen floor. They clog it up, and flood the kitchen.
Tenants move into birdhouses in the yard. Narwhal is pregnant, and lets down an escape ladder from the bird house and runs away, carrying a tiny suitcase.
Lucky starts doing my facial exercises at her, running after her, sticking her tongue down as far as it can go, opening her eyes wide, then scrooching up her face tightly. Narwhal won’t look back. Lucky has to fly to catch up with her. She makes loud plane noises, and imagines she is on the toy plane she used to play with when a little girl.
She dreams that all of her life since being a little girl playing with the plane and the troll are entirely the imagination of her little-girl self. The little girl Lucky moves her Troll doll and Andrew acts. The plane and the doll house are all subsumed later by the scry-making of the Mirror and by the reflections of her mother coming at her, on the front and the back of the Mirror.
Lucky yells in dream, “Narwhal, my mother decided to abort me. You might want to consider that option if you get pregnant, too.”
Little Andrew is an undertaker in her subconscious, and he scoops her up and puts her in a hole; as she goes into it. She disappears entirely, as if she had never existed. She merges with a male version of her self who didn’t even get as much chance as she got; he never made it to fetus stage.
Her disappearance curls up recursively, one scenario nested inside another. She becomes nothing, almost as if her mother had never imagined her into existence, or her quantum potential had never imagined her, or her child-self had never imagined her. Or, more realistically, as if they had all imagined her into existence, and she didn’t particularly live up to their expectations enough to bother with.
Copyright © 2014 by Tantra Bensko