Bewildering Stories

Stupid Story 3

Enogee Drink

Hey, C**** C********! C****! How come the back of The P****** P****** Talk at Noon is blank? Huh? "Well, we don't kno-." "H*****!" says F******. Yeah, what, F******? I thought I told YOU to SHUT UP! So don't act like you hear me, F****-. Oh, uh, hi, Mr. B******. I'm, uh, s-s-sorry, I-I t-thought-t y-you w-w-were F***-****. I'm really sorry, Mr. B******. But I'm supposed to tell the rest of the stupi-. "B******, Schm******! Who cares about that freak no more. I don't care. And nobody else in O-T*** cares, either. Why, he's no more than a disgusting, selfish, stupid old hag! They ought to kick him out of town, that's what I say. Kick him ou-," says Mr. B******. Mr. B******, I'm supposed to tell the rest of this stupid story. "Uh, get outta here! I'm telling the rest of this stupid story. Ha ha ha!" says Mr. B******. Well, I don't care if Mr. B****** tells the rest of this stupid story.

E* B****** here, and this is the C******** B******* Bookstore. Today's stupid story is about, uh, you know, famous quotations from "R****'* M***** L***". It's a way of life, R****. Hey, T****! Is your mom still hospitalized? What's so funny, F******? This is boring. I miss H*****. Hey, pal, get your buns out of my eyes! Roses are red. Violets are blue. Sugar is sweet. This belch is for you! There's a way. You know, R****, sausages can be very seductive. Teriyaki sauce! You there! How was that, R****? Are they still buying it? Fear me! I am the M***** B********! Open these gates, or I shall destroy you! Fair enough. Here, have a sausage. Bring me the cow! F******? You can't chuck bowling balls at us! Yes we can. It says so right here in the Book of B********. It's a matter of interpretation. Hey, this isn't cheesecake! Oops. 'Kay? Aw, fish sticks. Wait just a gosh darn minute! That was a hoot! Garbage day is a very dangerous day. Fly day is a very dangerous day. Grocery day is a very dangerous day. L*** P****. Blimey! I'm being sued by a fly! Now, where is that fly you slaughtered? Kiss the bird, H****. I had the weirdest dream. Electric eels were biting my butt. He's biting my butt! You bet your butt I'm serious! I like your butt! I like your butt! Broccoli squeezings, my butt! C**** C****** is people! You can sit on my favorite arm scab. 'Cause they're leeches! Hello? R****? Some friend I turned out to be. It worked in the movie. All that's shiny is not sausage...or something. You're mean. Call me O******. What in the hell--l--lo! Hey, I thought you were a surgeon. Yes, T*********. We are the E******** U*******. There are many more famous quotations. I can't say them all. Ha Ha Ha! So, good-bye! Lousy freaks. Uh, AAAHH! What the heck is that green thing falling from the sky? Oh, no! It's F******! No, not F******, just his shell! AAAHH! It's just his she-.

KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!


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