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Marlys and Jim

by Kathryn Lee

“Marlys, I told you that’s not where the paper goes!”

“I hear you,” she said. I haven’t read the funnies yet.

“Marlys, I said I don’t want those damn kids in the yard again!”

“I hear you,” she said. Those neighbor kids aren’t hurting anything.

“Marlys, I asked you not to put ham in my split pea soup anymore!”

“I hear you,” she said. Next time maybe it’ll be arsenic. Would you like that?

“Marlys, you’re supposed to use margarine, not butter, in my cookies!”

“I hear you,” she said. Butter tastes better than margarine, plus it will kill you faster.

“Marlys, I want you to take me to the theatre Tuesday!”

“I hear you,” she said. Take yourself to the theatre, you old coot. Nothing good is playing and I don’t want to be seen with you.

“Marlys, Mr. Tate is coming tomorrow, and he only drinks E&J!”

“I hear you,” she said. Mr. Tate will drink anything that’ll give him a buzz — including Nyquil.

“Marlys, I don’t like when you cut your hair that short!”

“I hear you,” she said. I don’t care what you think. You didn’t ask me if I approved of your comb-over.

“Marlys, I can’t understand my program when closed captioning isn’t on!”

“I hear you,” she said. You’re an idiot if you need closed captioning to understand Tom & Jerry.

“Marlys, I can’t find the damn cat!”

“I hear you,” she said. He’s probably out terrorizing Mrs. Humphrey’s bull mastiff.

“Marlys, I’m tired of waiting for my damn dinner!”

“I hear you,” she said. Good, then starve to death.

“Marlys, the kitchen floor is filthy and needs to be cleaned up!”

“Get the mop yourself, you dirty old man, and clean up the floor. I didn’t clomp mud in here. One more word out of you, you horrible old monster, and I’ll beat your wrinkled ass senseless.”

“What the hell are you goin’ on about, Marlys? Dinner ready yet?”

Copyright © 2010 by Kathryn Lee

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