Bewildering Stories



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Where's the Beach?!

H. Penible

Last year, I went to Corpus Christi on vacation. It was just a normal beach.

I was building a sand castle, until a bully came along.

He kicked the largest tower of my castle down.

"Charge!" he yelled and knocked my castle over.

"What?!" I demanded. The sand from my castle buried me. Then the bully jumped up and down on me.

"Ouch!" I cried.

***

I saw stars. Where was I? I was floating!

Suddenly, my body fell from the atmosphere. I landed just off Corpus Christi. Or was it Corpus Christi? It didn't look like Corpus Christi. And there was a cave. I swam toward the shore. A light was flickering in the cave.

I heard some footsteps. I turned around. Three kids were running toward me.

"Hi! I'm Sam Sadler. This is my sister, Louisa, and my brother, Nat," said a voice.

Those names were familiar. I read them in a book somewhere. I only remembered the title backward: hcaeB tsohG. It was part of the spmubesooG books by enitS .L .R. I can't remember anything forward. Well, almost anything.

"Can you speak?" said a voice.

"Oh, hello, maS, asiuoL, and taN!" I said as clumsy as a turtle.

"That's our names backward! What's yours?"

"I forgot my name."

"Stupid."

"Me? Forget my name? Nonsense. My name is blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah!"

"That's your name? It's too long for me to remember!"

I turned around and ran into two kids.

"seman ruoy era tahW?" I said forward.

"irreT dna yrreJ era seman ruO," they said forward.

Somehow, I heard them backward instead of forward.

I fell down. Now I could think straight.

"Are you okay?" the kid named Jerry asked.

"Huh?" I said, confused.

I heard a squeak as loud as a lion.

Mouse? Or was it a rat? I looked at the rat.

"Wasitaratisaw?" I said really fast backward, which was, "?wasitaratisaW"

Same thing, right? Duh. W-A-S-I-T-A-R-A-T-I-S-A-W is a palindrome. Duh.

"I said, 'Are you okay?' That's what I said. Answer me!" said a voice.

I replied, "Cheese!" and died.

***

I saw stars. Again. Where was I? I was floating! Again. Duh.

Suddenly, my body fell from the atmosphere. I held my breath for as long as three minutes.

Splash! I fell into Lake Ontario. There was a sign made out of wood an eighth of a mile away.

It said: Welcome to Lake Ont-Oreo.

Ont-Oreo? Ont-OREO? OREO?

I looked around myself.

There were a lot of Oreo cookies.

Then I heard a voice. A sailor in a ship's crow's nest just shouted, "Chips Ahoy!"

Suddenly, millions of computer microchips fell from the sky.

***

I saw stars, again. My body fell from the atmosphere. Again.

Splash! I fell in a swimming pool in a small town north of Pittsburgh.

"Hey! That's our swimming pool!"

"Huh?"

I saw stars again. I fell down from the ozone layer in the stratosphere.

Splash! I fell inside a Coke can.

Suddenly, the can shook.

"YOU KNOW, I HAVE A STRANGE FEELING THAT THERE'S AN ANT IN THIS COKE. AW, NEVER MIND!" said a very loud voice.

The can shook again.

***

I saw stars, again.

I fell down through a chimney in Chicago.

A little girl woke up in her bed and said, "It must be Santa Claus!"

Suddenly, a huge Compsognathus dinosaur fell on me.]

I saw stars again.

A bully jumped up and down on my stomach as hard as a rock.

I was back just south of Corpus Christi.

The bully kept jumping up and down on my stomach. And he kept jumping forever...

Copyright 2002 by H. Penible.