C.D. Romm conducted this interview with J. Doe by snail mail from 1 January 1997 to 31 December 2001.

C.D. Romm: I'm glad to be interviewing you for Bewildering Stories today. How do you feel about this new webzine?

J. Doe: Huh? Webzine? What webzine?

CDR: Bewildering Stories. It's going to premiere in Jaugustuly 2002.

JD: No comment.

CDR: Many people call you "the Master." What do you think about this? What do they mean by "the Master"?

JD: Darn. No comment.

CDR: Is it true that you are a master of writing speculative fiction?

JD: How should I know?

CDR: How many literary awards have you won for your work?

JD: Hold on, let me count. Um . . . darn.

CDR: You have that many?

JD: Huh?

CDR: When was your first story published, and where did it appear?

JD: What?

CDR: Everyone knows you as "J. Doe," but what is your first name? You only use your first initial. Or is it your middle initial?

JD: It's my first.

CDR: What does it stand for? What's your first name?

JD: Ain't gonna tell ya.

CDR: What's the first letter of it then?

JD: Still ain't gonna tell ya.

CDR: Can I take a guess?

JD: Huh?

CDR: It starts with a "J." Am I right?

JD: Darn. How'd you know?

CDR: How do you feel being "the Master"?

JD: "Master"?

CDR: Yes, "the Master." That's what many people call you.

JD: Huh?

CDR: "The Master." Many people call you that. Would you care to clarify this expression for us?

JD: What? There's more than one of you?

CDR: Yes. I am doing this interview for Bewildering Stories. It's a webzine.

JD: Um . . . they call me "the Master" because . . . because I am the Master of Procrastination. Haven't sold a single story. Haven't even written a single story. I procrastinate too much. Can we end this stupid interview already?

CDR: Of course. Thank you for agreeing to this interview, and best of luck on your future projects.