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Bewildering Stories

Ásgrímur Hartmannsson

Bewildering Stories biography

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Ahh, who am I? Well, if you must know, you will have to meet me. For those who can’t:

My name is Ásgrímur Hartmannsson. But you can call me Ásgrímur. Or Ásgrímur Hartmannsson. Whatever. I am not spelling it out phonetically, but I can say it is almost completely unpronounceable to the common English-speaker.

I seem to have been born in the year 19—. I don’t know whether it was a good year, as I was too young at the time to remember it. But it was before they legalized beer.

Then I slowly grew up. Went to school, read stuff... I actually read large portions of a certain medical dictionary for fun. At least now I know what a “holoacardius amorphus” is.

Asgrimur in car
I guess I look OK. People don’t run away screaming upon beholding my visage, at least. I am medium height, towering over Japanese and most Chinamen, but towered over by NBA players. Slightly underweight, but not much. Am trying to work at it, but overeating is bloody painful. My appearance varies greatly, mostly because sometimes I don’t shave for weeks, sometimes my hair grows too long, and sometimes I get a haircut and a shave, rendering me unrecognizable to people for days to come. The Internet holds no pictures of me, don’t bother to look.

I love getting drunk for free, or at least as little money as possible. Drinking, however, inhibits my ability to type, and thus, I rarely write drunk. My drinking habits, mentioned earlier, also mean I do not get drunk too often. But who cares. My muse has a name, and that name is Insomnia. She rides a horse called Boredom.

But one needs sleep, if one does not want to decent into delirium, or worse, an open manhole. And I have found that the best breakfast one can have is hamburger. Or steak. M-mm-mmm! It makes my day! Try it! The best way to begin a day.

I currently reside in a large, stately house on Heimaey, a small volcanic island just south of the Arctic circle.

I have been writing short and long tales for my own amusement for some years now. Mostly in my own language, centering on ridiculous situations. Like a hit man being called to get rid of a rat... stuff like that.

Then, when it dawned on my, that I might get an international audience, I thought I might write something in English. When I read the first stories I wrote, I can see that my grammar has improved somewhat. The plots have gone from being violence and chase-oriented into being chase and violence-oriented. A little bit like reading anatomy and new-car buyers guides simultaneously. I am trying to fit these things together to form one. I am also trying to fit in plot and meaning, but those things tend to steal from the carnage and destruction, making the resulting work strange. Imagine reading the new car buyers guide and anatomy simultaneously, the whole thing having plot too.

This nonsense will have to do, for now.

P.S.: If you happen to meet me, please feel free to buy me a drink. : )

Copyright © 2003 by Ásgrímur Hartmannsson

Bewildering Stories bibliography

Bewildering Stories interviews Ásgrímur Hartmannsson
Prose Fiction
Piece of Cake
The Perfect Creation
Brian Pilkington Solves a Crime
For the Birds
All Together Now
Three Midnights
Reality TV Bites
Good Choice
The Neighbour
Fly Away
The Missing Person
The Big Insomnia
Catnips, part 1; part 2
Si vis pacem
It Can Play Dead, Too!
The Messenger
Weekender, part 1; part 2
Pet Elephant
Rust in Peace
When Grandmother Was Young
The Robot Emissary
Lost Patrol
Objectors of Thunderpunch
Mighty Cleofgharran Rules the Night
No Checkout
Working People
Assassination, Ltd.
Jonas and the Hospitable Vampyre
The Man Who Couldn’t Fly
Scheduled for Demolition
The Man Who Sold Sugar Cubes
The Incredible Machine
A Wanton Display of Skill
Lars vs. Aliens
Green Meadows
Novel: Error

Meat Puppets
Attack on an Evil God

Commentary on an Archived Poet
My Co-Worker Edwin
Around Town
Dog Life

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